date: march twenty-ninth, 2025

subject: spring term

i feel pretty bleh today. i think i'm just in limbo, especially because it's spring and that's what it feels like to me. a transition of sorts. the first half of spring (jan-mar) is winter-spring, and i'm normally miserable until my birthday rolls around, and daylight savings comes around. reminds me i'm still alive, and i made it. the latter half of spring (apr-jun) is spring-summer, and i'm normally miserable for an entirely different set of reasons. this spring, however, i have more positivity showing up, so i'm trying to get as much good out of it as i can. today is incredibly pretty outside, and i'm trying to keep up my confidence for work on tuesday. i've given myself little mental tasks to accomplish while off my phone during work, and hoping i can motivate myself even more with a good lunch! i think i try to make these entries more public-appealing rather than appealing to myself, and end up switching my language or complaining less and ommitting more information, but quite honestly it's my diary and you all are just the audience. i can write how i want.

ANYWHOOOOO i finally got my diptyque perfume! it's in the "tam dao" scent, and is an eau de parfum, so it's incredibly strong. i'm still undecided on wearing it to work. i'll be purchasing eau duelle next i believe, i want a mix of feminine and androgynous scents in my collection.

we're entering a new term soon, so i need to get my butt up and apply to things so i can stay on track for my goals, though i dunno how long this'll go before i run out of steam. tomorrow is supposed to be miserable, so i'm hoping i can get work done for my classes if i can't get anything else done. this semester feels a little weird in contrast to last, especially with my courseload being relatively the same but way more work involved. it's fine though, i can knock this stuff out. i've only got five assignments left to finish before . . . tomorrow.

i got an IUD on wednesday, and it . was an experience. i don't know if i'll ever talk too much about it outside of this entry. i'm currently cramping horribly as a result, and i hate it. but i'm trudging through with snacks.here's to hoping the pain ceases sooner rather than later. okay, i think i'm done for now. i really need to update this more. i'll be back (hopefully) soon. time for my report!

R.E.P.O.R.T.
Reading...Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. i hope the book lives up to expectations.
Eating... banana pudding, panera, and chicken.
Playing... the sims 4, as usual now. i'm buying a second storage drive so i can just dump my school stuff on there.
Obsessing... over what to buy once i get paid this week. the list grows more and more each day.
Recommending... taking it easy and listening to your body when in pain.
Treating... myself to extra sleep and ice cream, and heated pads for my cramps.

date: march thirteenth, 2025

subject: (belated) birthday post

it was my birthday yesterday! and in true ai fashion, i forgot to write a diary entry yesterday. but in MYYYYY defense, i was very productive! i forgot how much i hate cleaning vs organizing and putting things in their place.
it was a great day, honestly one of the best i've had in the last year. amazing weather, great food, and so much time spent with the people i love and cherish. i'm in the process of buying gifts for both myself and others, and might've already planned out everything i'll be buying for the next two months, hahah....
in all seriousness, i was so grateful for making it to this birthday. last year i had so many hardships, and for the first time in a decade made a plan to end my life. i don't think i've ever been more thankful that i made it through. there's so much on the horizon, and each year i can see how much better things are getting.
now that i'm 21, it feels like i can't escape alcohol and gambling imagery, it feels like i'm the main character in a dystopian movie hahah. i still feel pretty uninterested in both, but cigarettes are calling my name...(this is a joke before i worry my partner) however, my sugar and nap cravings have drastically increased. that, or my period is coming... speaking of fertility, i need to stop watching videos of other womens' worst experiences getting their IUDs placed, it just fuels my fear even more and the appointment is entirely too beneficial and too close in date to cancel or ghost. speaking of health as well! i'm finally able to see an oral surgeon for my insane TMJ issues, buuuuut it is unfortunately next month 💔 but that's 100% better than waiting another year! my surgeon has really good reviews and the receptionist was super nice, so i'm excited about that. what i do hate, though, is that so many oral surgeons here advertise separate employees at their practices as "TMJ specialists" when a facet of their job is to be TMJ specialists! how are you a surgeon specializing in the muscles around my jaw and can't fix the MUSCLES AROUND MY JAW???? whatever. we ignore.
gonna do my REPORT and get back to shopping, since i have close to nothing to do until my partner gets home...

R.E.P.O.R.T.
Reading.... The God of Endings by Jacqueline Holland. i love the plot summary, and i'm kinda in a funk after finishing a few really good (and one mediocre) books! i finished My Husband by Maud Ventura yesterday morning, and was only slightly satisfied with the story. it was just.... i dunno, it missed the mark to me. could've been more enjoyable. it's like bland chicken-- you could do so much with it, and THAT'S what you choose to do with it?
Eating.... tiramisu, chicken, and the remnants of my ice cream cake. they're all 10/10
Playing.... the sims 4 (again), and downloading even more cc than before. i've had the sims 4 for 9 years now, which feels really nasty when i realize how long i've had this game, but i love it SO much. checks all my boxes.
Obsessing.... over the cost of furniture (again), and which plushies to buy. also what to get to surprise my mom...
Recommending.... afternoon naps
Treating.... myself to extra lazy time, and lounging around shopping online for crap i don't need